I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
