I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
