stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
