So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
