So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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