HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
