haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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