So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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