I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
