worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
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You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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