it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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