i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
