Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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