you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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