So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize