my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
