just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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