The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize