I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
