its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
