I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
