so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
