It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
