am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
