Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
