I love black thongs
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
