so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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