My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize