It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Couch. On fire.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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