Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
