you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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