My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
