Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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