I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
