Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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