I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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