What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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