I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
