So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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