Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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