Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize