Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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