Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
