just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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