I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
