I am puke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
