walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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