i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
