508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
