I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize