My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
