TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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