help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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