At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
