He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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