Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
