dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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