I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize