did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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